Courage

'You cannot change what you refuse to confront'

                                              ~ Unknown

Kumar was like any other five year old -  seemingly ignorant of what life is as dictated by the 'modern society', more interested in the little things around him that kept him occupied, interested, curious and happy - he never ran out of interesting things to think about since something interesting was always happening when he looked below big rocks, on a grass field after rain, in the ants' nest, looking at the clouds, making sand castles, running after butterflies, ... He was slightly shorter for his age, average built and wearing round glasses - those harry potter type ones. His hair was all curly - he didn't have a clear hair line at the sides as other kids do. Kumar was good at studies especially in English, since he very much liked to read short stories, fables, comics etc - you know the stuff that kids of his age enjoy reading. But he was peculiar since he was more fluently speaking and reading in English than the kids in his class due to his obsession with the habit of reading stories.

It is a strange trait with us humans that we most often don't directly confront the stuff we fear, rather we do a LOT of research about it. It's like we have more liking/affinity towards it, but reluctant to embrace it.

Another important similarity with the kids of his age was fear, and Kumar had the common fear of darkness. He had developed liking for thriller and horror stories and his favorite comic hero was 'The Batman'. It was may be because that he was always reluctant to wander around when it was dark that he started to read more about the after dark horror stories and admire Batman - the 'dark' knight. There was a previous incident that happened some months back where he lost a bet set at the 'super galactic club' that he and his friends had formed . The challenge was to go and bring back a specific flower from an abandoned park nearby, after it was dark. He often felt ashamed, that he wanted the comp[any of another person even to do mundane activities after dark. He always wanted to overcome his fear... somehow - a laser vision or super strength may be. But he felt helpless too... 

'May be fear was a good thing because it's due to fear that I never wandered around the house or outside after it is dark, hence avoiding the grim things that could happen to me - similar to what I had read in the comic books and horror stories'  he thought in his mind, not willing to confront his fear of the dark.

It was the monsoon season and that day Kumar as usual had come home from school at four in the evening. His father usually comes late to the house something to do with some meetings at work. That morning his mother had told him that his father had brought the latest issue of the Batman comics, which Kumar can read when he returned home. So, that evening Kumar was especially enthusiastic. He almost ran inside the house with his shoes on, but after looking at his mother giving that look - the look when she knows you did something inappropriate - you almost immediately knew what's wrong at that particular moment....(is that telepathy?). He went out, didn't remove his shoe laces, just removed the shoes, socks and threw them near the shoe rack - he was excited alright. He was subconsciously thinking of skipping his usual meeting with his 'super galactic club' boys that evening 'it was going to rain anyway' he thought, the TV was abuzz with some weather reporter saying so when Kumar entered the house.

He had a quick refreshment - washed his hands and leg, drank some milk and was off to his room. His room was adjacent to his parent's room and he was sharing his room with his sister. Since he was more into reading, he had a reading desk with proper drawers, reading lamp among other stuff. The desk was placed immediately before a window because Kumar liked to glance occasionally outside at the road, the trees and everything else. At the edge of the table, he had a number of Batman action figures, stacked nicely side by side in near the window. The new Batman comics was lying on his bed. Kumar sprang into the bed and started reading the comics. After a few minutes, his sister had come from school - but little did he notice her asking about his day at school. After all, reading was his favorite thing to do and all his concentration was on whether Batman would go after the Joker or the Scarecrow.

Outside, the rain clouds have been covering up the sky and it looked like a post apocalyptic earth with a slightly reddish-orange ambient light on the buildings but with dark rain clouds in the horizon. It was slightly cooler, and darker outside for a time of six in the evening. Cool breeze was blowing the curtains in Kumar's room, the kind of breeze that would make you even more comfortable lying on a bed, giving you a perfect excuse not to get-up! There was already a faint smell of the rain. That day his father had not come home yet, his mom went to one of the neighbors house. Kumar was too much into the comics to notice what the weather was cooking up outside.

When he was about to know in a few turn of the pages, whether Batman will go after the Joker, there was a very bright burst of light flickering through the window - the lightning, followed immediately after a few seconds by a loud bang and crackle sound - the thunder. Kumar almost didn't notice the lightning but the sound of the thunder startled him, caught his attention. At times of crisis or emergency, we think about the worst things that can happen at that point of time- unconsciously. Same happened with Kumar after his attention turned to the dark clouds outside he was thinking what if there was a power cut?  almost immediately while he was thinking about this there was another powerful lightning followed by a roaring thunder and a power cut - pitch dark -'Oh My God!!!' thought Kumar.

There was rigorous show of prowess with lightning and thunder outside. Kumar's heart was raising, he felt a very strange kind of sensation as if something strange was flowing quickly from his head to toe inside his body - a heightened sensation of fear? may be....Kumar was curled up at the edge of his bed where the wall and the bed were meeting, he had covered...more like he hid himself with a blanket.

As he looked outside, he could see that the trees outside were casting strange shadows on the wall where the light from outside was falling. Being the imaginative kid he was, his fear of darkness adding to the equation, his mind was quickly making up ghostly shapes from apparently simple shadows of the trees - mostly like clichéd horror films. As if the shadows cast by the trees nearby were not enough , the Batman action figures that Kumar had kept near the window were casting tall dark shapes when there was lightning. Breathing heavily, his heart racing, eyes randomly switching views from one place to another, Kumar was feeling as if he was in a real horror movie except that he felt he was 'in' the movie - the wrong side of the screen :(

Just as Kumar was going through the best horror movie experience in real 3D, he heard a scream/ shrieking sound from the adjacent room. The fear was getting worse...Afraid of the dark and unable even step down from his bed in the dark, Kumar was trembling - he was already drenched, not by the rain but by the rapid sweating he was experiencing. After a few seconds he heard a loud cry. Kumar heard it like it was the echo of a ghostly wail from next room - his mind was completely in overdrive trying to make him stay in where he is now, by instilling fear. So he was reluctant to step aside from the safety of his bed and blanket.

But even in that moment of fear and desperation, it struck his mind that he and his sister were all alone in the house and being the eldest of the two - a big brother, he had to go and help his sister if she was in trouble. His eyes were wide open, heart still beating fast, Kumar slowly stepped down from his bed, dragging the blanket along with his body. The blanket was covering half his body, as he held the blanket with both hands very tight. He knew where the torch was because he always kept one in his reading desk drawer for situations like these. Trembling with fear, he made it to the desk drawer, picked up the torch and switched it on. Somehow, after seeing the bright light of the torch lighting up that dark room, it made him feel less feared of the dark - maybe he was thinking himself holding a galactic light saber or something.

Kumar slowly gained confidence and started to find his way through in the dark to the hallway that leads to the next room. As soon as he was near the door of his room, he stepped on a toy car and almost fell down, dropping the torch in front of him on the floor. But he had managed to grab the sides of the door. He was thankful that he didn't fall completely - maybe he should have cleaned up his room as his mother said. When he managed to pull himself up and moved his head up he saw the silhouette of a strange figure walking towards him. It looked like a small goblin wearing torn clothes and having tentacle like things hanging from all over the body. The lightning and the torch on the floor seemed to exaggerate the shape of the shadow of that strange figure. Before Kumar could make sense of the events happening before him and before he could think of what to do next - he was already screaming (Aaaaaaaaaaa!)  with fear, this strange figure was screaming back and running towards him!

He tried to turn around and run, but this strange figure seemed to have caught him from behind. Kumar didn't just stop screaming or stop shaking from fear, but he had just increased the amplitude of both. Suddenly he heard the voice of his sister saying 'I'm very afraid Kumar'. It was then he realised that the strange silhouette was his sister. He turned around and saw that it was indeed his sister who was crying, she was afraid of the dark too, his screaming had made her even more afraid and hence she was running towards him. Kumar was afraid indeed, but he managed to put up a fake sense of courage and told his sister 'Don't worry sister, I'm here'. There wasn't a hint of fear in his words. He took the torch from the floor and pointed it towards his sister - she was wearing a small blanket and was having some clothes hanging from her head - she had apparently tripped and fell down on a pile of clothes that his mother had put down in their room, that were to be ironed and folded later. She had fallen over the pile of clothes and in a desperation came out tangled with lot of clothes on top of her...

Kumar then looked briefly at the hallway, pointing the torch up and down, looking at the trail of clothes that her sister had dragged along, then lead her back to his room. They both sat down on his bed and Kumar started telling one of his favorite Batman stories where the Dark Knight saves a small girl from the Scarecrow. Just as he and his sister were slowly becoming forgetful of the fearful incidents of that evening, the power came back on. His sister hugged him immediately and started laughing saying thanks to her brother. Kumar felt like Batman.

Kumar wouldn't have eliminated his fear of dark following this incident, but he has changed the way he reacted to it - he now had the courage to confront his fears.